


Strawberry Solicitude

by piicwu (orphan_account)



Series: Dirk Strider, A Study [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chill Fic, Gen, Oneshot, unwind fic, vaPiNg like a CoOl KiD, weird flex but ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-09-29 01:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/piicwu
Summary: Dirk is bothered by his restless mind.  Watching the Sun set is the perfect way to alleviate his concerns.





	Strawberry Solicitude

   "Sometimes I wish I knew what you were thinking."  I sigh and look over at Dirk, who has his head tilted back against the wall. We're sitting on the roof, just trying to relax.  

   "Dude, you're literally me."  He opens his eyes to give me an exasperated look.  And yeah, I am, but at the same time, he's a totally different person.  

   "No duhh fuckface.  You know what I mean."  He does.  I know he does.  We understand each other on some fucked up 3rd plane of existence where we  _are_ the same person, just with different life experience.  Every time he does something that is so blatantly not me, I still understand where he's coming from, and it's just so strange, seeing yourself through your own eyes, but in a different perspective.  Deja Vu threatens to wash over me every time I glance at Dirk and it's disorienting in a way that can't really be quite described as good or bad.

   This Dirk is one of the few that I've rescued with Dave's help.  He and I are much more estranged than any of the others.  His personality is so polar to mine, yet I still feel the sense of self, as if it's a mirror that I'm looking into, when I talk to him.  He's brash and a very no bullshit type of person.  My timidness comes off as reserved, and over time has softened the edge that is still so very prominent in his actions.  Surprisingly, he is unassuming around me.  He looks more relaxed, and I suspect it has to do more with the fact that I saved him than any actual amity towards me.  It's not a bad thing either though.  Nothing ever is anymore.  

   I take a drag from Peb, a vape pen that him and I created in our free time.  It's some weird mix of Alternian slimes and nic that had been salvaged throughout me and Dave's travels.  There aren't many things we can do with the Alternian liquid base, which is distinctly fruity, but we've managed some pretty impressive concoctions without the chemicals and advancements of the past.  The current one is reminiscent of strawberry.  I'm hella proud of it, and by the way Dirk slips Peb from my fingers just to look at our designs, it's obvious that he is too. I part my lips and let the vapor billow out and dissipate.  Alternia has some questionable shit.  Whatever it is that we were given is a catalyst for the addictive factor of the nic.  It makes my nerves prickle and my hair stand on end for a few seconds, then the feeling will wash away and everything feels a little bit warmer.  The half high passes quickly, but subtly, and the movement of grabbing at Peb has become instinctive.  Perhaps I should be worried about my intake of the foreign substance.  I would be if it weren't for the sooth that it brings to my ever present tension, and the way that it alleviates muscle ache after endless days of metal working and hauling around parts for our projects.  

   Silence falls as the sun dips lower beneath the horizon.  Pure silence.  There are no bullshit birds blaring in the branches of trees, or frogs awakening.  It's summer, and vaguely I can recall that cicadas still thrummed everywhere in the summer when I was young.  The sunset feels empty without them as a constant white noise.  In this moment, white noise is replaced by sense.  My mind flits to the grittiness of the roof against my palms.  Warmth from the sun starts emanating off of the roof as the air cools.   One second, the sky is pastel, the next, vivid.  Clouds alight with fiery reds and orange.  The backdrop of the actual sky is still light, but around the edges of the clouds colors are way more saturated, giving an almost ethereal or comical contrast.  The view never changes too much, and yet it has not stopped taking my breath away.  For now I am ever fascinated by the spontaneous change in hues.  It will not remain this way forever, but I accept it.  

   Peb gets another draw.  He's kinda empty, as indicated by the burning sliver of acridity in my breath.  I set the pen down and flick it off with a sigh.  Dirk starts out of his thoughts at the movement.  His subtle shifts onto his elbows, then eventually, his back, are tempting me into relaxation.  Even though there is no reason for me not to sit back with him, a sense of anxiety slips into my brain, and I remain propped up on the wall.  There's a sense of busyness that I need to keep in this world.  The end game was a two sided coin of reprieve from the nightmare and a harsher continuation of it.  Emptiness always threatens at the edge of my consciousness.  Physical and mental exhaustion have kept it at bay this long.  My insistence on following rules that I'm untied to gives me direction and control.  It lowers the scale of the world that I have to create.  Instead of a whole world, there is simply one region at a time, one house to build or fix, one project to start and focus on, one object to interact with.  One rule to follow at a time.  That's it.

   The sun is shimmering in it's last rays.  Shadows dance across my face and Dirk's, broken up only by the occasional intense rays of light.  I'm hyper-aware of my breath.  My heartbeat paces itself evenly in the mellowness of my introspection.  Mellow could quickly turn to unease, but Dirk's form beside me, and the half high of the Alternian drug holds me in the space between panic and melancholy.  Balance.  Balance is present everywhere.  From the urges that guide us day-to-day, to the forces that keep reality adrift.  There is always a wobbly scale in place.  The middle is ideal.  Somehow, end game has become a perfect equilibrium, which is disquieting at times.  Conflict is a natural part of life.  The push and pull we are expected to work out.  That is why so much of the struggle has become internal now.  The responsibility to create and manage our conflicts is up to us.  Every day is a constant cycle of creation and destruction.  The simplicity we live in has created a complexity that clashes with the way that I  _am_ , but despite the hell that it raises, I have done more than I ever could've anywhere else. I know myself, and it's strange, but I know my existence and my place here.  

   Relaxing on a roof, long past the sun has abandoned the sky, is my place in this moment.  The unease in my heart subsides finally with the effects of the vape.  Serenity sweeps over me in a wave.  I let my body loosen up.  Vulnerability was always a weakness, but there is only silence in the world now. No surprises; no danger. The balance will not swing unless I make it, so I let myself rest with ease.  Slowly, my eyes drift shut, and I smile.  There will be so much to do tomorrow, yet this moment is one I will remember, and it is one that will help restore normalcy in every day life.  The time between night and day brings out the thoughts that I can't contemplate in full sobriety, but with them finally sorted through, perhaps even the thoughts will subside.  They will be only a whisper to my conscience in desolation.  Right now though, they are gone.  Sleep descends, and my troubles flee in it's grasp.

**Author's Note:**

> Midnight tangent fic  
> As I type this I am half asleep


End file.
